


really i loved you

by hoodieszn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, but i also love skz too, i love nct btw, im still bad at tags, so like bang chan has a small cameo lmao ily babe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 22:24:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16861324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodieszn/pseuds/hoodieszn
Summary: "Really, I loved youThat’s how much harder it isI want to hate youBut I can’t so I hate you even more"- i loved you by day6





	really i loved you

**Author's Note:**

> if you stan day6 ily if you don't yall should check them out they honestly dont have one bad song. anyways, i just really love jeno he has a soft place in my heart uwu. also i mention seoul's school for performing arts and seoul uni but idk if they even exist tbh i just came up with them on the spot so sorry i also apologize for my lack of knowledge when it comes to how the process works for college acceptance and dance scholarships lmao and new york in general... i live in cali and i got to community college where i automatically got accepted so ye thanks for understanding ily 
> 
> this was five pages... 1934 words...i came up with this out of thin air :0 in case yall didnt know i just l o v e jeno

Jeno had brought up wanting a girlfriend various times, so being his best friend, natalie thought she was helping him out when he introduced him to one of her cute classmates. The two got along well and looked good together. Jeno and the girl went on a few dates before becoming official. She thought he would be grateful, but soon after the two became an item, jeno began distancing himself. 

“Just give him sometime and he will come crawling back,” jaemin said.

Not true at all. A few weeks of glances in the hallways turned into outright ignoring for months. This was their last year together for crying out loud. The ‘00 line would be breaking up soon, she and donghyuck planned to go to seoul performing arts school while jeno, jaemin and renjun decided on attending seoul university. Yet jeno acted as if she wasn’t one of the most important people in his life.

“That’s just how it is sometimes,” her brother johnny explained, “i remember when my friends started dating too. They just ignored our group as if they did not know us. In his situation it just turned out that his girlfriend was overly possessive. I’m not saying that that is the case with jeno, but you can always try talking to him.”

Unfortunately, natalie is the stubborn type. She refused to talk to jeno unless he approached her first. He is the one doing all the ignoring, so why should she go up to him and confront the problem? The others did not seem as bothered as she did, but it was only because the others were not harbouring a crush on the idiotic boy. 

Natalie had known jeno for as long as she remembered. They had been through a lot of things together; happy moments and sad moments. Yet here they were, their last year of school, completely avoiding each other. 

Natalie had gotten an email from a famous school in new york. They were offering her a scholarship! All she had to do was send in a video of her dancing and a board would evaluate it and decide whether or not she would receive the scholarship or not. One of the first things she wanted to do was call jeno and tell him the exciting news, but then she remembered that neither of them were speaking to each other. It saddened her to believe that something like this is happening to her but she could not share it with someone who she thought was her best friend. 

The end was near! Only a couple more months left until their graduation and natalie had finally received word from the school. She had been accepted with a full ride! Her brother cried out of happiness as well as sadness because his sister was leaving him and she was finally growing up. The ‘00 line (as side from jeno) were incredibly happy for her, although she could tell hyuck was a bit sad they would not be attending school together. 

Jeno on the other hand was in shambles. He had found out that his girlfriend was going to university back in her home country of japan so they would inevitably break up. Then he had found out from a his girlfriends sister that natalie had been accepted to a school in america and was bound to leave before the semester started in the fall. Jeno knew that he did not have much time left to reconcile with his former bestie. 

It was around three in the morning when natalie got a text from jeno.

J: hi are you awake? 

J: of course you are you have terrible sleep schedule 

N: so he speaks…

J: look can we meet up?

N: its literally 3am??

J: your point?? johnny isnt even home

N: if ppl see me outside at this hr meeting up w some dude they will def tell him

J: well sorry to break it to you but im already outside your house

She rolled her eyes, of course he was not going to take no as an answer. Wrapping herself in a blanket and grabbing an all to familiar hoodie, natalie made her way outside in the cool spring air. Jeno stood there outside the gates of her house in his pj bottoms and a shirt. 

“You’re going to catch a cold,” she said as she handed him the hoodie. 

Jeno gave the hoodie a once over before realizing that it belonged to him. Before, when jeno would go over her house often, he would leave his hoodies. That particular one never made its way back home. 

“So what did you want?” she asked, clearly annoyed.

“I hear you are going to school in america,” he started, “finally leaving me i see.”

This pissed her off, “leaving you? I’m just following my dreams.”

“I thought your dream was to go to seoul’s performing arts with hyuck? What happened to that?”

“Things change,” she said, “people change.”

“Oh please if you have something to say just say it. You have always been so good with words.”  
“How come all of a sudden you just come crawling back huh? Is it because your girlfriend is leaving you and then you find out that so am i? That the one person besides her who actually gave a big shit about you is finally doing things for herself now?”

Jeno was shocked to say the least.

“Did it ever occur to you that i have had enough of it always being jeno jeno jeno? That maybe just maybe i want to do something for myself for once?” she said on the verge of tears.

“How can you be so selfish?” he asked.

“Me, selfish? Let me remind you of all the selfish things i’ve done. When your parents kicked you out for coming out as bi, whose house did you live in? Not hyucks or nana’s. When you were still unsure of your sexuality, who sacrificed her first kiss? When your cat got hit by a car, whose shoulder did you cry on? I have always been by your side even when you did not want me!” 

Tears welled up from anger, “you are right, you have always been by my side but why are you leaving me now?”

“Because if i don’t accept this, i might never get this opportunity again.”

“I...i thought you loved me?”

“You bastard,” she cried, “of course i love you. But if you feel the same way and you love me too, you will understand why i am doing this.”

He ended up walking away from her that early spring morning. Leaving her in tears while she contemplated going to the school or not. But then she realized how most of the things she did in life up until now were usually based on how jeno felt or what jeno wanted. Now it was her turn; going to this school was something she wanted. She loves jeno, but now it was her turn to finally love herself. 

It is finally fall and natalie is seen facetiming renjun as she sat lonesomely in her empty dorm room. The looked at the digital clock that rested on her nightstand; 12:00, it read. Renjun laughed at something natalie had just said when the door behind him opened. 

“Jeno, it’s natalie want to say hi?” 

“I’ll pass,” he mumbled before making his way to bed. 

One thing she worried about was making friends, in college it was very different. People only worried about their own problems and they had different schedules so it was hard to see their friends. She did not mind being alone, but it sucked sometimes; it can get quite boring when one spends most of their time in the library. 

That is how she met hyunjin and felix, two other korean students at juliard. Both were as in love with dance as she. They would become close as ever, always spending time practicing or even when they were not practicing they would be together. 

Natalie had been determined to make it home after her fall classes ended, she wanted to beat the snowfall that would possibly keep her stuck at school for the holidays. Unfortunately, that is what ended up happening. The three friends spent their christmas at the dorms watching cartoon holiday movies while drinking hot chocolate. Natalie was devastated, it was her first time spending christmas without her family and friends. 

As soon as she knew it she was flying out of jfk airport and on her way to seoul with hyunjin and felix by her side. Johnny, who was a busy doctor, could not take time off to come and pick her up; neither could any of the dreamies as they do not own any cars. So felix’s friend was going to pick them up. 

“It is so nice to meet you,” he greeted as he put their things in the trunk of his car, “these two never shut up about how amazing you are.”

She blushed, “i can say the same thing. I have only heard great things about ‘our bang chan hyung’.”

As they were driving chan asked her, “are you in any rush to get home?”

She was not, “perfect then, let’s go eat.”

Jeno had read the messages in their dreamie group chat that natalie would be flying in today. He was nervous; as the biggest idiot the world has ever known, he had come to terms with himself during his first semester in college and realized what a piece of shit he had been to his friend and understood why she would be so mad. He needed to talk to her and apologize.

J: hey are you alseep??

He felt de javu from the previous year when they had their big fight before she left. 

N: why would i be alseep?? 

J: jetlag?

N: ok true but no im actually out w some friends getting food bfore i go home why????

J: no reason just lmk when you get home

So there she was at in front of her house and she had a flood of memories rush through her head of times where they would wait for each other before going to school or to the mall. She texted him. 

N: im outside your house…

J: oh fuck you were done fast ill be right there

If this were any other circumstance where they were not fighting, she would have barged right in. they knew the security coded to each others house, thats how close they are. 

As soon as jeno saw her, he embraced her in a tight hug. He began muttering things into he shoulder which were not understandable. 

“Jeno, i cant understand.”

“I am so sorry,” he began, “ i am so sorry for being the selfish one. Im sorry for blaming you for everything. Of course you deserve to go out and live your dream. You deserve everything good in this world and you definitely needed to focus on what you wanted to do. I should not have turned against you when all you were doing was following your heart. And im even sorry for being an asshole when you were only trying to help when you introduced me to may.”

She was taken aback, his sincerity was all too abrupt, but she loved it anyways. 

“I hope you can forgive me?”

“I forgave you long before,” she admitted. 

“You know i love you right? Like really i never stopped loving you,” he said.

“Of course i know. Now let nap together i am exhausted.”


End file.
